


the things we know and the things we wish they knew

by tameila



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drinking & Talking, F/M, Gen, i'M SAD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-23 11:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9656492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tameila/pseuds/tameila
Summary: Two friends share drinks and as much comfort as they can. [spoilers from ep. 85]





	

The tavern is blissfully busy when Vax and Pike make their way up to the bar. The off-clock workers filling the tables, boisterous in their unwinding, speak well to Whitestone's revitalization, and Vax might have rejoiced to see the improvement any other day. Yet, in this moment, they represent nothing more than a white noise that covers his and Pike's attendance. In a place so jovial, no one turns an eye to their sulking arrival beyond the few patrons seated by the door that raise their glasses in welcome.

Vax dips his head to the group, grim despite his efforts, and welcomes the anonymity that follows them to the counter thereafter. Pike hadn't stopped talking since they left the castle, and he needs a moment to just - take it in. Everything.

Scanlan was alive and then gone. Left. Turned his cheek and walked right out the door, and at first, that's all Pike had said.

"He needs to do this," she muttered. She bustled ahead of Vax despite his longer strides. " _He needs to do this_."

He tried to respond with words she might want to hear: Soft words of similar but feigned understanding, words of "He'll be back" and of regret that tried so hard not to bite bitter off his tongue. She didn't listen. With her for emotional support or not, it took Vax halfway to the tavern to realize that she was not trying to offer affirmations to anyone but herself. So, dropping his voice from the moment, he let her mutter on and became the nodding, silent sounding board she needed.

Now, however, hoisting herself up onto the bar stool and eagerly ushering over the bartender, Pike spoke of nothing but future plans and which stop might need attending first.

There's so much to do, after all! With The Chroma Conclave gone, there’s revitalization to see to and families to assure. She's breathless in her rush to share it all with Vax. He does not remind her that he's well aware of their standing obligations and instead takes the tankard that's pushed into his hands.

“To family…” Vax lifts his tankard towards Pike.

Her head is already thrown back, the butt of her arguably too big tankard obscuring most of her face from view. Vax grimaces as he retracts his drink long enough to take a sip to hide it, watching her throat bob steadily as she downs as much as she can. 

“Another one for her,” he says to the bartender who still stands, astonished, before them. The man nods and leaves. It’s enough to bring Pike back to the moment. There’s a choked cough as she pulls the tankard away from her lips and sputters a quick apology. “It’s nothing. Come on.” Vax lifts his tankard to her again. He cannot make much of her face even now. She wipes stray drops of alcohol from her mouth with the back of her hand and keeps it there even as she smacks her tankard into his.

“To family.”

They drink.

“So…about that demon from hell that wants to kill us…,” he says as breezily as he can manage. Pike brightens and nods, launching into her thoughts on the matter. Vax lets her go on, taking a long drag from his stein and indicating for the bartender to keep it flowing.

They drink.

They drink a lot, and when Pike’s not drinking, she’s talking. 

She quiets as the night continues however, and so does the bar. Most people have families waiting at home. Jobs that require an early rise. Some stop and say 'hello' to them before they depart. Vax manages a smile for most, but Pike always seems conveniently face deep in a tankard when they arrive.

When the talking has stopped and the drinks begin to trickle, they sit in sullen but companionable silence until he catches the shuddering of her shoulders. Tears had come unbidden since their departure from the castle; small angry tears though, ones that escaped between gulps of bitter alcohol and on the crest of weary sighs. Nothing so desperate as this, and Vax’s heart clenches around his need to comfort, to say – _anything_.

“Pike – “

"I didn't know his mother's name..."

The chill that strikes down his spine is familiar, and he can hear Scanlan’s voice ringing in his ears, wounded and biting. Vax nods. “None of us did.”

But, Pike shakes her head, uncomforted and small.

Reaching out a hand, Vax places it on the back of Pike’s head – gentle, unsure. There’s a pause, a shaky breath, and she sobs, fingers pressing into her eyes as she shakes. "I'm in love with him," she says, looking towards but not at him. Her voice breaks as she stutters,"Did you know that?"

He did not know. Vax stares down into his half-empty tankard, his brow drawn. He should have known.

Abandoning his drink, he moves his hand to Pike’s shoulder and pulls her close, shuffling his knees into the space between their bar stools so that, when she falls, she has a place to land. He holds her as she cries, holds back his own tears as another part of him thinks of how it heard what she really meant to say: _I’m in love with him. Do you think he knew that?_

Yes – That’s what he should say. He’ll come back - another assurance. There’s still time - perhaps would be better?

Vax draws in a shaky breath and says all he can,"His mother's name was Juniper."

Pike nods from where her face is crushed into his shoulder.

"Yeah. It was."

**Author's Note:**

> alternative title and summary: I'm Sad.
> 
> now with fanart! which you can [view here](http://agirlamonggeraniums.tumblr.com/post/165633354598/i-read-a-not-exactly-but-also-very-pikelan-fanfic). Thank you so much to the artist ♥︎


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